Wife demands rich husband buy his stepdaughter a horse instead of “leasing one-half of a horse” and expects him to pay for college education: ‘That's not how I operate’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 30, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Some of us struggle to scrape together rent money, debate whether store-brand cereal is worth the $2 savings, and weigh the level of chicken freedom we can afford when buying eggs. And then there are people like this guy, whose life dilemmas include contemplating why his stepdaughter isn't content with leasing half a horse. Half a horse! Would love to have made this up, but unfortunately, reality is far more creative than I am.

You see, this middle-aged millionaire isn't just rich. Oh no—he's retired, living off dividends, and generously funding a five-star family lifestyle. His kids and step-kids have no responsibilities, and a fridge full of snacks. But apparently, that's not enough when your teen dreams of free rein over a majestic beast instead of a partial lease arrangement.

This isn't a relatable problem. Fun for me? Yes. Am I remotely wealthy enough to have an opinion? Ha! Not in this lifetime baby!

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  • Most 13-year-olds are lucky to have a weekly allowance or the occasional ride to their friend’s house. Meanwhile, this one has grown tired of her half-of-a-horse lifestyle, and her mom insists that owning a full horse is essential to her mental well-being. Essential mental well-being? Some people settle for pizza nights for sanity, but I digress.

    Look, I get it. When you’re used to saying “yes” to everything, suddenly dropping a “no” feels like you’ve committed a cardinal sin. But let’s consider the slippery slope here. Today it’s buying a full horse instead of leasing half of one, but what’s next on this luxury wish list?

  • Maybe the award-winning breed dog rental service won’t cut it anymore, because the Samoyed you got last week didn't come from a distinguished enough lineage, and they’ll demand an exotic animal indoor zoo. Because why settle for a golden retriever when you could have a personal leopard? And forget about the backyard pool—clearly, the only acceptable upgrade is a full-scale replica of the Great Barrier Reef, complete with imported Australian fish and a resident marine biologist.

  • I need a reality check. I'm a rich, retired middle-aged dude. I got this way by a combination of luck, hard work, smarts, and delaying gratification. We live off of dividend income.
    via rusty_hull
  • That said, I currently feed and house my adult children (one is in grad school, which I'm paying for, and one is looking for work for the last 2 years() neither have any loans of any kind, both with their own and
    via rusty_hull
  • apartments) plus, of course, my wife and family (i.e., two-step kids, ages 13 and 17). I also help to subsidize my mother-in-law with reduced rent on another home we purchased for her.
    via rusty_hull
  • Ours kids want for nothing. They all have our attention (which is most important) as well as a buffet of electronics, vehicles, vacations and travel, multiple pets, home cooked meals, a house full of snacks that's welcoming to friends, and they drive or get driven wherever they need or want. They also
    via rusty_hull

  • "AITAH for not agreeing to buy my 13 year-old step-daughter a horse, especially when I just discovered I’m on the hook for her college?"

    "It's too expensive for a kid whose mind can change on a dime"
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • participate in extracurricular activities that are expensive (more on that below) and have a high quality of life in a beautiful, safe town with a waterfront home where they have little to no
    via rusty_hull
  • personal responsibilities aside from doing their own laundry (e.g., we have house cleaners, gardeners, and my wife and I even pick up their dogs' sh).
    via rusty_hull
  • My wife is amazing. She's 10+ years younger than me and spends most of her days caring for our family.
    via rusty_hull
  • She's not a spendthrift either. She loves buying stuff at goodwill and appreciates our amazing life.
    via rusty_hull
  • Cheezburger Image 10486773760
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • She also comes from a horse background. Indeed, when we met I got into horses for a bit, at one point owning two of them.
    via rusty_hull
  • My passion, however, is sailing. And a few years ago, we decided to leave our careers entirely and go live on a sailboat half of the year and live in our house during hurricane season. In doing so, she gave up making good money and I gave up making millions. We did this until the kids wanted to stop, which was earlier this year.
    via rusty_hull
  • The thing is, I am very good with money and, though she's not careless, it's just not her jam.
    via rusty_hull
  • The other thing is, I was burned in a divorce 20+ years ago, and keep my substantial wealth as separate property (we have a written agreement to this end), but pay all the bills. I'm determined to not have to "start
    via rusty_hull
  • Cheezburger Image 10486773504
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • over" if, for whatever reason, my relationship fails and I've made that clear from the outset. In fact, we're not even "legally married," but as you can see I view and treat our relationship as a being a bonafide marriage.
    via rusty_hull
  • Even though my wife made good money before me, she didn't have too much saved. I helped her a little with that. Indeed, when we first met (10+ years ago) and got to know each other, I urged her to start 529 plans for her young
    via rusty_hull
  • kids, which she did with a substantial initial funding (but no subsequent funding). Those 529 plans now could pay for 1 year of college (i.e., tuition, room, board, books, etc).
    via rusty_hull
  • Important here, she always believed that the childrens' wealthy grandparents had substantial college money set aside for their futures (her ex- husband, on the other hand, is a ne'er-do-well who has
    via rusty_hull
  • contributed nothing to his childrens' welfare). I've been vocally skeptical about the grandparents contribution, but it was not something I was privy to.
    via rusty_hull
  • One of the kids-our youngest- has really gotten into riding horses. She loves it.
    via rusty_hull
  • For her, we currently "lease" one- half of a horse, which means we pay monthly for one-half of its use, care, shelter, vet bills, etc.
    via rusty_hull
  • Recently, my wife suggested purchase a horse for the child and, ostensibly, for my wife to ride too.
    via rusty_hull
  • As you can see, I don't say "no" very much, but this time I did. I essentially said it was too expensive for a 13 year-old whose mind can change on a dime and that, until we could be certain all of their college is actually paid for (since we have a 17 year old getting ready to go) I wasn't willing to entertain the thought.
    via rusty_hull
  • This led to drama. It also led to discovering that, in fact, the grandparents do not have any money set aside and are not offering to contribute towards the kids' college educations. This led to more drama.
    via rusty_hull
  • I have stepped in to help solve the problem-diverting substantial residual income to my wife for her to save (i.e., a couple hundred thousand) and funding a legal battle against her ex- husband to start paying child support for her to also save
    via rusty_hull
  • (sadly, we'll spend more on suing him than we'll get, but f that guy for not taking care of his own children). In short, I've made sure that we begin planning now to cover the substantial gap in funding (including exploring junior colleges).
    via rusty_hull
  • The thing is my wife still persists on wanting to buy the horse. Given recent events, I'm baffled by it.
    via rusty_hull
  • She claims I promised a horse (we have very different recollections, but regardless), she claims the current leased horse is not working for the child and there are no other suitable horses to lease, she's worried the child is going to want to go live with her father (i.e., a wannabe cowboy who could find her a horse to ride), she claims its part of the child's mental well-being, etc.
    via rusty_hull
  • I have tried to be a good parent to all of our kids, but I cannot wrap my head around buying a horse for a child, especially when I now have to figure out how to cover both childrens' college educations. My wife, on the other hand, brings up that I have all the power because I have all the money and that she left her well- paying job to follow "my dream" so she is reliant on me.
    via rusty_hull
  • She also admits she could go back to work, but she doesn't want to and I'd not like to force her to, but I feel strongly about this decision. I did say, if she wants, to go ahead and use the money I am diverting to her (for the kids' college) to do whatever she wants, but that I was not going to continue to worry about their educations if she chooses to do so (they can, of course, get loans).
    via rusty_hull
  • One last thing, she repeatedly tells me how she sacrificed her career for me. But, setting aside my own past sacrifices, I am actually currently sacrificing my dreams for her and our kids because, if it were not for them, I'd be living on the high seas or traveling the world. I'm okay with this tradeoff, but I don't shove it in her face because, frankly, I think it'd be r de.
    via rusty_hull
  • Now, could we afford the horse and could I cover college? Yeah, probably but that's not how I operate and I just can't abide it. Thoughts?
    via rusty_hull
  • Atillythehunhun I don't think I'm wealthy enough to form a coherent opinion in horse speculation.
    via Atillythehunhun
  • Chicken_Crimp I don't like anyone in this story... ESH, g
    via Chicken_Crimp
  • Bill A No horse. I wouldn't even rent a half a horse. There are plenty of things for a teenager to do...sports teams, crafts, etc. Owning a horse is a huge expense. And it is not a necessity. At all.
    via Bill__A
  • Highclassbad Lost me at " we rent half a horse"
    via Highclassbad
  • Moron-Police My sister and her husband lease a partial horse for me niece. I don't know if it's half or less, but definitely not the only lessee. They have 3 kids, rent a 4 bedroom, good sized house, and I'd guess a combined income of $175,000. Anyway, my point is, leasing a horse isn't really off the table if you're not a millionaire.
    via Moron-Police
  • Highclassbad I do not plan to lease a horse, I have enough hobbies and none of them pop
    via Highclassbad
  • Highclassbad One half pops the other half bites!
    via Highclassbad
  • Highclassbad Well one half makes a huge mess, and the other half is expensive... lose lose!
    via Highclassbad
  • montauk6 What, "renting half a horse"??? You're using coconuts!!
    via montauk6
  • Highclassbad ....It's two different halves..!
    via Highclassbad
  • montauk6 You got two different halves of coconuts and you're bangin' em together! that movie!!) (I LOVE
    via montauk6
  • umBucket33 Which makes me think if you were to date a centaur would you prefer the top half was horse or the bottom half?
    via umBucket33

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